A Crisis of Faith

Seeing more clearly or being more spiritually healthy, open or secure, does not necessarily correlate to “believing” with increased certitude. Believing actually corresponds directly to not-knowing. You’re at work and talk to your son over your lunch break and ask him if he finished his chores that morning before heading to school, he says yes and you believe him. If you had seen him finish doing the dishes and taking out the trash belief would be unnecessary, you would know. The definition of the word belief is as follows: the acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists. The word has nothing to do with whether or not something is actually truth or existent.

                In order to include unicorns or Noah’s ark in your construct of reality you need to believe that they are true (both are believable to me). This is in stark contrast with the experience of the devotees of Jesus who saw him after he was dead. They didn’t believe in the resurrection, they simply shared their story so that others might believe. They didn’t need faith in this regard… they knew.

                 Nine years ago was the first time I met Jesus. I don’t mean that I started believing in him, I sat with him as he taught. Years after that I was speaking to him as we walked here in New Mexico and he told me that he wished that I would just admit that I didn’t have any faith. I was offended.  He said again, “I wish you would admit that you don’t have any faith, then we would have a place to start.”  I sarcastically confessed that I didn’t have any faith… and my whole structure and system of belief began to collapse. All this faithlessness spearheaded by Jesus himself.  My newfound unbelief didn’t injure my relationship with my teacher, Jesus, as he was someone I knew, not something I believed in. But, nearly everything else that I had adhered to in regard to my spiritual upbringing, creeds, doctrines, rules and the like, slowly crumbled into a state of what I can only describe as unreality.

                I am not writing this account to encourage faithlessness or doubt, but because I know that many of you who will read these words have experienced or are in the midst of a crisis of faith. Where things you once believed to be true have entered the realm of untruth; where once a house of faith stood, now there is only smoke and smoldering ash. I am writing today to encourage you that those things that are actually true will stand and are a foundation on which you can rebuild a beautiful and secure life and reality.

                For me Love became my anchor. Foundational to all I now hold to be true is my personal knowledge that the entire cosmos is composed of and held together by a glorious power, energy or life that we have diminishingly termed “love”.  Anytime you ascribe a word or a name to an unspeakable, unfathomable Wonder you diminish her. From a Christian or biblical perspective, this love is what or whom Jesus instructed his followers to call “Father”. The point was not to create a an image of a bearded man in the sky who makes stuff and runs the universe, but to establish a point a reference, a way for thinking men to begin to connect with a beyond-thought Divinity or Power. To build our spiritual home and reality upon the knowledge that we are inseparable from Divine Love, that we are expressions of this power, that we are “Children of God”, is to build upon a firm foundation. It is important to note that this is, as stated, only a foundation or beginning. When we begin to connect with Source the journey has only begun; we have in no way “arrived” by ascertaining such a truth.  

                Storms and trials will come. If we are seeking truth, it is inevitable that those things which are less-than Truth will fall away. This will hurt. But in the midst of pain and after the seas are stilled, those things which are true, which are eternal, will remain. Know that your faith or faithlessness have no effect on whether or not you are eternally accepted or loved. You already do and always have belonged. As Christian scriptures put it, even if you become faithless God will remain faithful to you for He cannot deny himself. You can know that you are loved. You can experience the Love that exists for you, surrounds you and even is you. You can take comfort and rest in this state of union with Love, for “perfect love casts out fear”. Peace and joy to you on your journey of transformation, faith, hope, and most of all, love.